The Haunting Truth About The Bravo Vow Renewal Curse

It's hardly a secret how obsessed society is with a white wedding. No matter how mainstream abandoning monogamy has become, becoming a bride is still a ubiquitous dream (and don't let my flippant tone convince you I'm not above it). But then, why is passed-down history also so laden with stories of marriage being a curse? When the third season of Below Deck Down Under (helmed by objective husband material, Captain Jason) set sail in the Seychelles, I became interested in the gorgeous shores' history. I eventually came across the Ghost of La Digue. The story goes that a young, beautiful bride (as they often are) died before she could be wed — tragic. Seriously, thinking about weeding out the dating pool only to pass away before claiming romantic peace is a fate I'd only wish upon my worst enemy. 

Another legend from the East African archipelago paints an even more haunting picture. A happy couple was living in wedded bliss on an island. They made an honest living; the woman kept their home, and the husband worked in the fields, chopping down sustenance. They did well enough to host the husband's brother for a visit. But on the day the brother stepped foot in their marital home, something was off. After the husband came home from work, his bride, nor his brother, was strangely not there. The husband, looking for them, first heard his brother's infamous whistle. Then saw his blushing bride emerging from the coconut trees.

Knowing his two loves had betrayed him, he swung his scythe at his wife, ruthlessly beheading her. Moments later, a robin flew out of the bush, singing the whistle he'd mistaken for his brother's. He killed his soul mate for nothing, and if you think the fable ends with a lesson, I'm sorry to disappoint. Apparently, the headless woman haunts the local sea caves to this day, only to be blamed for everything that goes wrong nearby. The only takeaway is that sexist double standards extend to the afterlife. 

Reading these horrors had me considering if the curses might've followed the Down Under cast onto the super yacht, considering how abysmally those reality romances went. When Harry met Bri, they seemed to have a spark. In practice, they tediously stoked the coals of a relationship that was burning out before it began, for 17 episodes. There was exponentially more passion in Tzarina and Lara's overly emotional, allegedly platonic friendship, and yet that showmance fell apart at the seams, too. Is reality TV too inhospitable an environment for true love to win?

A peculiar pattern suggests, yes: the Bravo vow renewal curse. Bravo weddings and vow renewals have been a highlight on Below Deck, The Real Housewives, and spinoff programming like Bethenny Ever After. No matter the context, exchanging vows on Bravo leads to statistically unfavorable results, just ask Bethenny after her 10-year-long divorce.

Mario effortlessly renewed his vows with Ramona in 2010. They were divorced four years later, even after declaring his love through song during that sixth season. Shannon and David finished their couples therapy, tombstone and all, and reaffirmed their marriage in an August 2016 ceremony. They filed their divorce papers 16 months later. Cynthia and Peter, Vicki and Don, Braunwyn and Sean, all tried to prove their commitment, only to have their failed relationships immortalized in irony. Even Nene and Gregg technically fit the pattern, because they did divorce, only to get remarried before the humble House Husband's untimely passing in 2021.

But there are some vow renewal survivors still revolving in the Bravo orbit. If there is a curse, what allowed Lisa and Ken Todd to escape its clutches after redeclaring their love in 2013? Perhaps because they're one of the few couples that never suffered relationship strain on the show before the ceremony? But Kristin Taekman and Josh, of Ashley Madison fame, also remain married following a 10-year vow renewal on season 7, one which came after obvious marital stress in season 6. However, season 7 was Kristin's last — did losing her job save her marriage from a supernatural push? Maybe the vow renewal curse only works if you stay on Bravo when it comes for you, like having to be depressed for the demon in Smile to strike. That could explain how Lydia and Doug (who got remarried multiple times on RHOC) are still together. Lydia left the show (thankfully) twice (and never soon enough). 

Did the periodic departures deter the curse? Stephanie Hollman and Travis (RHOD), and Robyn and Juan (RHOP) should sure hope so. Brandi Redmond and her forgettable Dallas beau, Travis, plus Tamra and Eddie, also seem to be spared. Both couples also stopped being Bravo employees (at least for a period of time), but even more interestingly, they also both did their anniversary bashes off-camera. Is recommitting in private a saving grace?

If the rules are that you have to be happily married, get remarried off-camera, or be fired by Andy Cohen to escape the curse, what happened with Kroy and Kim? Big Poppa's ex-mama remarried Kroy on Don't Be Tardy in 2017. The final season aired in 2020, seemingly putting them in the clear, but everyone knows their chaotic, money-hungry 2023 divorce is still unfolding. If Kim and Kroy do go separate ways, there must be another element to the curse to be learned. It's possible the reality TV gods count your offspring's on-screen presence, too: Ariana Biermann is carrying on the Zolciak name through Next Gen NYC. 

For now, the Bravo Vow Renewal Curse rules are still undefined. If only we had access to Marsha and Big Dean, guests who were remarried by Captain Sandy for the ninth time, as well as the other couples renewed by Captain Kerry and Captain Lee, to see how they fared. Regardless, if I were Karen and Uncle Ben or Whitney and Justin, I'd be afraid. It doesn't seem like love is always doomed on Bravo, but it's evidently not smooth sailing when Bravolebs think with their hearts, not their heads.