How Binding Are The Friend Contracts Of Bravo?

While some fan bases have grown-ups going wild for friendship bracelets, in the Bravoverse, Housewives like to trade friendship contracts instead. Truthfully, the network is a safe space for pledging romantic love in dramatic ways, too, whether it be a cursed vow renewal or getting a tattoo of your ex-girlfriend's name because you're "bored on a Wednesday." But even bigger than Jax's megalomaniacal dedication to being the main character are the platonic friendships that are the most enduring love stories of these reality series. 

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Just like how we must suspend disbelief to buy a tragic misunderstanding in a romantic comedy, on The Real Housewives, accepting the genuine intent of an explicit pact to remain best friends must be taken seriously. It is a cannon event, viewers cannot interfere, but it seems circumstances always do just that anyway. What keeps going wrong with Bravo's friendship contracts? The unfriendly findings are here just in time for the season of fellowship.   

Case 1: Nene And Cynthia's Friendship Contract

It took five years for the inaugural friendship contract of Real Housewivesland to go up in flames. But before the implosion after the Puerto Rico cast trip, Cynthia Bailey was platonically head over heels for the Batman to her Robin, Nene Leakes. Everyone, from their fellow castmates to fans following along at home, was curious if not a bit cringed out by Cynthia's declaration. Probably because it was obvious that Cynthia had a much deeper connection to her friend than to her husband-to-be, Peter Thomas.

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"I missed you. I haven't talked to you in three or four days," Cynthia opened her conversation with Nene off the back of some tension caused by Peter's jealousy. "Don't think I'm crazy," Chile continued, barely leaving a breath for Nene to confirm she cherished their friendship too. Even though Cynthia knew it "might make [her] seem like a lunatic," she presented Nene with a candle to burn and a contract to sign that could only be voided by, like, the President or something, with a whole year's notice.

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Why did Cynthia feel the need to outline contracted rules for her relationship with Nene that were frankly stricter than the boundaries in her own marriage? In fact, 50 Cynt was quicker to revoke said contract when she felt its tenets had been abandoned than she was to divorce Peter seven years later, in 2017. Leaving Nene, apparently, was a more pressing decision."Cynthia, we're not married!" Nene laughed it off before things broke down, and later in her confessional, Nene would joke that Cynthia was giving fifteen-year-old single Black female. But that didn't stop the Hollywood Housewife from agreeing to terms that included attending every important life event, til death do them part, kinda sorta just like a marriage. It's easy to clown the contract as an act of desperation to tie down the number one name on the call sheet, but past Cynthia's simping and Nene's purported cynicism, there were two things deeper at play: love and fear. Cynthia felt their friendship was too good to be true, so listing the specifics on paper seemed to be her attempt to make something ephemeral real. 

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Case 2: Julia And Adriana's Friendship Proposal

If there were undertones of soulmatery in the Atlanta covenant, then The Real Housewives of Miami took those tones and belted them like an opera singer. It's a little goofy to get your friend to pledge allegiance in writing. It's downright garish to see a married woman, in this case ex-pat Julia (Yulia) Lemigova, get down on one knee to declare her affection for her "friend," Adriana de Moura. The Hamptons stunt, pulled in the first reboot year of Miami, may have aired out more than amity, according to a recent revelation from Lemigova at the season 7 reunion. She and Adriana allegedly got handsy after drinking all night on holiday, though the pair can't agree on how far things went now that their friendship cruised straight to hell.

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But what's for sure is that when things were good between Adriana and Julia, they were besotted. That's the best descriptor for the look on both of their faces when Julia interrupted dinner for a proposition through the form of a sparkling matching ring. "We are confused as fuck — can I say, as fuck?" Lisa Hochstein narrated to camera of Julia's "symbolic" vows. "You, Adriana de Moura, promise me that you will be my best friend and we will never fight…and nobody ever will come between us," Julia gushed to Adriana's visible titillation.  

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But upon reflection, this moment was so chesire and cheesy it's hard to believe it spawned from genuine sexual tension bubbling underneath the surface. Julia flawlessly mimicked the moves of a lovebomber, dropping a grenade of affection in exchange for fealty (and, in this case, camera time). It doesn't mean their admiration for each other wasn't real; their unbridled infatuation slapped the entire group in the face. But threading a relationship with such flamboyant ostentation (instead of less glamorous upkeep) almost guaranteed it wouldn't withstand wear. 

Case 3: Stacey Rusch and TJ's (Alleged) Friendship Contract 

If you ask Stacey Rusch, an alleged contract procuring Thomas Anthony Jones' services for The Real Housewives of Potomac never existed. TJ, and one of his acting friends, according to Gizelle and Ashley, have a different alleged story to tell. (A story for which TJ, after much teasing, never provided receipts.) It's pretty obvious why a Housewife would benefit from a boyfriend-for-hire under typical circumstances: to make them look more desirable among a married and taken cast. That's why the notion that Stacey concocted a scheme with TJ (who provided more oddball best friend energy than alluring leading man mystique) to elevate her storyline is comical to Shakespearean proportions. Gizelle insists she saw screenshots of the papers "with her own eyes," and Stacey fans are not impressed with said alleged screenshots, now circulating the internet, thanks to Bravo and Cocktails.  

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If the alleged document had been drawn up, it clearly didn't direct TJ well enough in his duties as Stacey's pretend boyfriend. On RHOP, he was only ever a confounding special friend for Stacey to halfheartedly flirt with on screen. If you're operating under the assumption their connection was genuine, it's a bleak indicator of the flimsiness of the dating scene. Should you choose to believe Stacey's frenemies' alleged theory, though, you have to wonder what inspired TJ to flip the script in the direction of a Tim Robinson character.

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Maybe their awkward waltz was intended to translate as the throes of a will-they-won't-they, leaving Stacey with a lover and enough wiggle room to one day comfortably go back to her husband. But the problem with will-they-won't-theys is that their value has a much briefer shelf life outside of scripted dramas.  

Case 4: Tamra and Gretchen's (Verbal) Friendship Contract/Ceasefire

Tamra and Gretchen's tired feud was one of several reasons season 19 of RHOC overpromised and underdelivered. By the time these two circled the block of Naked Wasted, Gretchen's passed fiancé, Tamra's lawsuits, and Slade's child support, there was no room to ask the important questions, like who lied to Emily that her lie detector bit was a good idea. Of all of Bravo's friendship pacts, Tamra and Gretchen's "step one" skip down the beach was the most evidently phony. It lasted no longer than the beaded friendship bracelets they exchanged more than a decade earlier stayed in style.

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The only reason either of these blondes had a reason to feign getting along (for less than an entire episode) seemed to be because they sensed their fury was growing stale before the season even aired. If their makeup was for the betterment of the group, it probably would've lasted longer than the flight to Amsterdam. But what better plot twist for the audience than two villains teaming up after a long faceoff, like Godzilla and Kong tag-teaming a Bigger Bad? Except with Katie gone, Gretchen and Tamra had no one to mutually blame. Maybe that's what production didn't account for in coaxing these two together: a common enemy. 

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For different reasons, all of these friendships, at one point or another, were too good to be true. But excluding Gretchen and Tamra (whose contract was void upon inception due to fraudulent inducement), the rest of these contracts saw real roll dogs evolve into rivals. Likely because friendships are the only meaningful relationships you'll have in your life that are ultimately entirely by choice. You can disown your family or divorce your partner, but our society expects you to do everything in your power to avoid such a dismissal, and like it or not, legally and biologically, they'll always remain a relevant part of your story. That's what's so sublime about being in love with your friends: the mutual persistence by choice. If you eventually feel the need to litigate that volitional essence into obligation, the magic is already gone. Why bother drawing up terms and conditions for a ship that's sailed?

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