Shannon's Grilled Cheese, Lisa's Dr. Pepper, And Other Bravo Delicacies: An Eclectic Snacking Guide
Sometimes, the best parts of watching reality is locking in on the unsung side characters instead of the overdogs in the room. Batman is great, but he's so much fun with Robin, which is to say some of Nene Leakes' funniest moments were with Cynthia playing her straight man. But it's not always fellow cast members who become understated comedic gold. It's the cameraman zooming in on Bethenny's shaking clutch around a watery margarita, the restaurant server not breaking eye contact with Meredith Marks as she demands he transform into her personal bodyguard, and the unconventional recipe book of Bravo snacks across series that remind you these larger-than-life superstars still have to eat.
It's easy to forget that The Real Housewives started out as a prying documentary eyes on homemakers in the most affluent zip code in the country. It's easier to forget (probably because it's too few and far between) that the Bravo network is home to circles that thrive in cultural tradition, albeit fueled by drama, like Shahs of Sunset (which is gratefully set to soon make its return) or Family Karma (which should've never been canceled). Dead center in the middle of an interests Venn Diagram of SAHMs and ethnically rooted cliques is food. Decades of Bravo footage have shown that for hotel heiresses of Beverly Hills and Long Island weekend commuters alike, a fervent passion for snacking is a pivotal piece to being a main character. Let the following accounting of Bravo's most eclectic featured snacks serve as your guide to a culinary journey through Bravo history. If this winding road for your taste buds teaches you anything, let it be to stay hungry (for food and/or camera time).
Revisiting Bravo's snackable history includes a surprising stop at dairy. LuAnn's Eggs a la Francaise were one of many early signs that The Countess was very much unironically buying her own press. The LuAnn who couldn't stand Bethenny's driver addressing her by name couldn't settle for saying she enjoyed scrambled eggs the way they make them in France (with butter). To be fair, she did add her own twist by stirring them low and slow in a saucepan instead of one for frying to get "mashed potato" consistency. Cool Carole also had a memorable eggs order at breakfast with Tins: three eggs two ways, one boiled, two scrambled. A less original but more flavorful favorite was Erin Lichy's shakshuka; she made many missteps as a host on that Hampton's trip, but her preparation of the savory tomato and eggs dish wasn't one. It doesn't seem likely that Mamaw's beer cheese will survive the volatile dissolution of Jax and Brittany's marriage, but that might be for the best of digestive systems everywhere.
Less surprising is the number of classic cocktails in the Housewives' history books. Bethenny patented her Skinnygirl Margarita into an empire, but Dorit's drink order — Belvedere with club soda, short glass, three lemons, carcass out — is quicker to the tongue these days. This guide would be remiss without mention of Heather Dubrow's general affinity for "champs," but her butchering of a beautiful French word feels decidedly less chic than Ramona's passion for Pinot Grigio based on semantics alone, even considering Turtle Time. The taste level of Nene's choice for the Hugo Spritz is the diametrical opposite of Sonja's low-brow love for Diet Coke mixed with rosé. You need both to balance any cocktail party worth falling into the bushes at.
Seafood equals wealth, so it ought to be prominent on a network like this. Here, Erin Lichy's foodie imprint strikes again, with the TikTok-favorite Pringles and caviar trend, equally unappreciated by her hungry friends. Her petite snack is a sister food to Kathy Hilton's baked potato and caviar, also unappreciated by Kathy's little sister, Doogie. Kyle's disinterest in serving something so decadent on something so pedestrian defines the difference between Old Money and Agency money. Definitely unappreciated was Kenya's singular crab cake to go, ordered without any consideration for fellow travelers. On the other hand, there was camaraderie in The Real Housewives of Potomac's joint Chilean Sea Bass order.
Still, two remarkably unusual seafood options occupy the most distinct space in the Bravoverse: Nono's octopus for breakfast, boiled in a stockpot (made only more digestible by the fact that Tre's most generous moments were filming with her father), and the disastrous concoction of Oysters with Grenadine by Rocky, the mermaid stew from Below Deck. If there's a soul out there brave enough to try it, other than Kate Chastain, they should identify themselves in Andy Cohen's Clubhouse expeditiously.
The laundry list of brand-name junk food obsessions has grown exponentially on Bravo over the years: Lisa Barlow never stops buzzing for Wendy's, washed down with Dr. Pepper. Her enthusiasm for Taco Bell was only outdone by Katie Maloney's Taco Bell tower the night before her ill-fated wedding. Emily loved an extra-long Jersey Mike's Turkey sub so much she ate it in a sauna, but Kandi's commitment to KFC may one-up her. Kandi indulged in the Colonel's fried fowl in two international countries (Jamaica and Portugal), one time bringing her tumultuous friendship with Marlo back from the brink. Mary Cosby's desire for late-night McDonald's instead of group shenanigans was one of her most relatable moments, though she, of course, elevated her order with je ne sais quoi by going for a fish filet. And, in the junk food category, one would be extremely remiss to not acknowledge Shannon Beador's left-behind grilled cheese, that, unlike that fucking plate at The Quiet Woman, was categorically hers.
A smattering of food from around the world also feels pertinent to flag on the record: Scheana's famous (!) enchiladas, Jules Wainstein's calzone (fork included), and Kathryn's Grape Jelly Meatballs, to start. MJ's Buttery Chocolate Croissant was from Starbucks (not France or Iran), but it was worthy of eating despite Mike's childish chiding anyway. Gizelle's passion for all sweets, including the beignets dabbled in during the New Orleans trip, is craving-inducing, just like LVP's France-inspired goat cheese balls. But no franchise has stronger ties to international delicacies than the Sunday sauce, antipasto, meatballs, and pasta, displayed for 15 years of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Kim Richards' chicken salad, paired with Phaedra's pickles, and a piece of bread (to calm down) are the primary elements of an imaginary cross-franchise picnic spread. Add in Heather Gay's funeral potatoes, sandwiches by Lindsay Hubbard, Denise Richards' dry salad with cucumbers and parm, plus pasta salad by James Kennedy, and you have an abundant potluck on your hands. If it were possible to still be peckish with a spread like that, a judicious handful of Yolanda's almonds (to be chewed slowly) plus a slice of Harry Hamlin's wild blueberry pie should do the trick.
And on the note of dessert, is there any sweet more iconic in Housewives land than Melissa Gorga's rejected sprinkle cookies? Pignoli cookies, touted by Teresa Giudice, are good too, but if fan favoritism is put to the side, wouldn't we all prefer Kathy's cannolis on Christmas day? Less appealing than all three might be Heather Dubrow's cake with a sparkly fondant bow, as fondant looks so much better than it tastes, but the thought of chipping off a corner to liven things up at a Dubrow function (a pattern that seems to happen across seasons and Nobu-sponsored spreads) is undeniably delightful. Though a dentist may decry the decision, shoveling cotton candy a la Taylor Armstrong or gummy bears in the name of Kelly Bensimone is a fast track to childlike wonder that might arguably be worth the risk of cavities. And isn't that what indulging while eating is all about? The joy of a treat, if only for the few seconds it takes to swallow, is timeless, intangible, and also excellent TV.
