Is Miami The Final Boss Of Female Friendships?

If you haven't heard the woman-to-woman warning about the friendship-ending potential of a girls' trip to Miami, you're simply not scrolling enough. TikTok, Reddit, and Facebook are laden with war stories told by traumatized women eager to recount how a sunny vacation to America's 27th state turned into an aptly dubbed Miami Horror Storytime. TikToker Cupid8184 amassed nearly a million views on a single video with her storytime lacking the kind of loveable debauchery you'll look back on fondly when you're too elderly to climb up to a DJ stand (an age that comes all too soon for some of us and then too late for others — see: Kyle Cooke). 

Cupid starts her video with a clear thesis on why she thinks Miami girls' trips are notorious for falling apart: "I think that a lot of girls are getting to Miami with the idea that the pretty privilege they get in their city also works in Miami. Now, you may be pretty in your city, but you might not be Miami pretty." Looking at the stellar cast of The Real Housewives of Miami, and imagining the sums spent on their weekly glam (surely equivalent to the GDP of a small country, thanks to Larsa and Lisa alone) helps hit this point clear past home base.

Cupid expands that Miami, with its harsh beauty standard worsened by colorism, leaves well-meaning hometown baddies who anticipate spending "little to no money" with emptied wallets and "the shock of their lives." It's like Miami boasts a nuanced version of the American Dream, causing women to hope that there, anything (or anyone they meet in a nightclub) could change their lives overnight. 

Cupid had booked her trip with a friend who allegedly owed her 700 Canadian dollars before they even touched ground down South. So it's not all that surprising, then, that Cupid allegedly spent the weekend babysitting a drunk, delinquent travel buddy whose plan for getting by began and ended with taking scraps gifted by charmed strangers. 

Other harrowing tales, like one meticulously retold in a "Who TF Did I Invite To Miami" series, described a different trigger point as the demise of her ten-year friend group: a man. Is there anything worse than accidentally becoming the third wheel on a trip that was overtly designated to be for the girls? For TikToker i'mdirtydom, the moment her friend's fling "Brad" started showing up for early morning pancakes at their Airbnb (despite the group having set boundaries about it not being a couples trip), Dom knew they were cooked. "You know what they say, girls' trips to Miami always lead to friend breakups and us hating each other." Dom had mocked the adage prior to flying in, but by the end of the trip, she was convinced the city's energy was tainted; it made her otherwise levelheaded friend Victoria transform into a male-centered lost soul.

Redditor Ok-Yak-3864 shared a similar unfortunate series of events to the AITA sub for judgment. Yak was surprised on the way to boozy brunch with a husband and an untrained three-year-old (actually, upon reflection, they were both untrained). During the trip's planning, Yak had made it clear to all of her girlfriends that she did not want to talk about the husband. Several toddler tantrums while the parents partied and a broken lamp later, Yak was packing her bags and canceling the Airbnb the group was staying at (that Yak had shelled out for) on the ride to the airport. The forum rightfully declared her NTA for jumping ship.

Put simply, the Miami trip often makes it out of the group chat, but the group chat might not exist after the Miami trip. After drowning in girls' trips gone wrong online, I had to revisit Bravo's history in the Sunshine State to see if the Miami friendship curse held true.

To be fair, it's a challenging task to assess if Miami trips are particularly painful for The Real Housewives, given that their vacations are always a Super Bowl of Big Feelings regardless of the location. Still, the exercise was instantly tingles-inducing when recalling RHONY's sojourns south. During the first, in season 5, Aviva's sex-addicted father is set up with Sonja, and they do temporarily hit it off. But that doesn't stop George from dropping the incredibly appalling one-liner: "If I wasn't your father, boy, I'd be after you." Meanwhile, Ramona nearly neutered Aviva's husband, Reid, for trying to set "house rules" that Ramona felt would suck the passion out of their planned couples' trip once Mario arrived. 

That tension was nothing compared to the absolute chaos of the New York crew's greatest cinematic work in season 11, where life was resolutely determined not to be cabaret. Dorinda threatened a lawyer's lever, Luann unironically teared up at a poster featuring herself in a tilted fedora, and Bethenny almost "had a heart attack" after screaming about Lu's too-brief stint in rehab ("you almost crashed a boat and killed your friends!"). Were these trips friendship enders for the Real Housewives of New York? No bonds were definitively broken between individual women, but it would turn out that these visits to The Magic City were both harbingers of the end of eras to come.

Though I happen to love season 6's unassuming dynamic (essentially just the women running from Aviva and her prosthetic leg), most fans once considered those 2014 and 2015 episodes to be a mere skippable interlude for Bethenny's return. Little did fans know, after Miami trip #2, which was promptly followed by the introduction of Leah "Married to the Mob" (a woman who is not married, nor has any ties to any intimidating New York institutions) Sweeney, the dynasty would implode in such unwatchable fashion that season 13 didn't even get a reunion. So, it seems fair to say that the RHONY cast was certainly set off on a historic course after each trip to Miami, if somewhat indirectly.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta's season 8 trip unleashed one of Kenya's most memorable maniacal outbursts. The root of the issue started with a gaggle of hot single men, led by a moody man named Glenn, who got introduced to the group by Glenn's auntie, a forgettable friend-of named Tami. The dudes were quick to hitch their boats to Kenya's friends, like Shereé and Porsha, pushing Kenya to demand their attention instead of retreat. "Kenya boo boo, men aren't dogs. You can't snap at them and expect them to respond," Phaedra confessed to the cameras after Kenya clicked her fingers in Glenn's face. But after Kenya didn't get the attention she felt she was entitled to, she gained eyes clear enough to realize that Glenn wasn't actually such a nice guy after all, leading to a standoff: the men would not, in fact, be entering their vacation house. Kenya's tirade, which stemmed from bitterness but was ultimately justified, left Tami ousted from the group's rotation.

A much bigger consequence had previously come from a season 3 RHOA trip to Miami: the dismissal of Kim Zolciak. Kim turned a stop on her tour into a bachelorette celebration for Cynthia, but it ended up marking the beginning of Kim's banishment to her own corner of Bravo rather than Cynthia's upcoming nuptials to Peter. On the way to the retreat at Kim's friend's estate, she fought ruthlessly with NeNe Leakes (leading to such iconic quotes, forever handy in any Housewives historian's rotation, as "you better watch them B words," and "this ain't Sweetie"). More tragically for Kim, who slowly but surely started putting distance between herself and Kandi due to her musical diva antics during the trip, a lawsuit from Kandi over music royalties was waiting in the wings. 

Whether it was Wendy getting doused in Mia's cocktail over girlboss bickering, Tom Sandoval being indicted for cheating (the first time) thanks to Miami Girl, or Mady Reese finding out her entire friend group has the receipts for hating her boyfriend, Miami trips do seem to foreshadow a permanent breakup on Bravo. In these cases, Mia from the group's respect, Tom from Kristen Doute's good side, and Mady from that goof, Trevor (though it took a second to stick).

So why is that the ladies of The Real Housewives of Miami are the most high-functioning friend group in Andy's circle? Unlike the cliquey baggage that has ruined seasons of Beverly Hills, Orange County, and Potomac, Miami has never failed to put differences aside to give us a show. It's never too dark or too irreconcilable when it comes to the cast who screams about paying attorney's fees with black cards one second and moves on to dodging dildos the next. They can berate Lisa for lamenting her Lenny situation for the entire gondola ride over a lake of misfit toys or for participating in narcissistic grandstanding prior to getting on a bus, always ending in an explosion of tears and yelling. But by the end of the scene, there's at least a little bit of laughter, thanks to Lisa's unplanned comedic timing and unshakeable ability to keep engaging. 

Even if it's less for the sake of making amends and more because they still have a few things to say while the camera lighting is good, this Housewife tribe refuses to give us a reason to look away. Whether it's Alexia's entire tragic love life or Adriana's superhuman gift to say the right thing at the wrong time, RHOM is jam-packed with soap-opera level storylines, and yet each and every one of them keeps showing up to roll their Rs in a full beat for our entertainment — and for friendship. While it's evident some franchises can barely even tolerate each other as work friends, The Real Housewives of Miami are a sisterhood that both scolds and stands by each other through new boyfriends, ex-husbands, and devastating cancer diagnoses. 

I pray that RHOM's ability to lash out with love doesn't get tainted by time (as do fans who are promptly requesting the exit of Julia Lemigova following a cruel drink throw on Guerdy that felt so off-base for this series for all the aforementioned reasons). Maybe Cupid's TikTok had it right in the first place: Miami is too elite for outsiders with expectations of temporarily fitting in to the scene to survive. Miami is not a casual jaunt where you can live like a local, and the city seems to take vengeance on generations of women for even trying. But for its homegrown natives, born and bred for high-end hating, scrapping while seated in a section with Fabolous is frankly just another Tuesday.