Bronwyn started this yacht trip on the defensive.
She arrived late, dressed as a flotation device, and packing at least four different inflatable animal costumes, in the hopes that she could distract everyone from some recently uncovered rumors about fraud and identity theft. Her gambit worked masterfully, with all attention turning to Lisa as Heather demanded to know if she had leaked the story.
Angie got terribly seasick, still managing to look beautiful as she threw up on television, and then lay in bed next to her roommate Mary, who cared for her while tucking into Chef Ben’s fish. Britani and Meredith took turns throwing water on each other throughout the charter, until Britani escalated to throwing out rumors about Seth’s infidelity instead. Meredith, in turn, also tossed something: Britani’s prized stuffed Unicorn on which Jared Osmond had recorded a sweet message, right into the sea.
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There they were, the women of Salt Lake City, huddled outside a strip mall in their furs and stiletto boots as they waited to see what kind of fabulous trip Angie K planned for them, when an RV rolled up. The outrage.
Puerto Vallarta was ostensibly a trip to celebrate Vida Tequila, but really it was an anniversary party for Receipts, Timelines, and Screenshots.
The trip to Palm Springs for Todd and Bronwyn’s anniversary wasn’t a normal housewife trip; no, it was a couples trip, and the husbands came to play… beach volleyball, and defend their spouses' honor.
The SLC ladies are trading one freezing-cold location for another on their girl's trip to “mill-e-wah-que” in the dead of winter. Whitney is hosting a drag show at Trixie’s bar, bringing the gaggle along. Whitney is determined to show the women a good time, only to be usurped by confrontations of who slid what into each other's DMs.
It’s hard to imagine now but, believe it or not, the seismic, fourth-wall-breaking reveal that new Housewife Monica Garcia is internet troll Reality Von (Tea)se was precipitated by a fight over whether Angie is in the Greek Mafia. As the women, dressed up as Pirates, ate dinner in a cave, a mustached Monica insisted that Meredith was behind the DMs she was getting about Angie.
Trixie Mattel, and her pink candied motel, deserved a better class of guests. First, Whitney checks in ahead of the hostess so that she can sneak Angie K. onto the trip, then Heather has too many espresso martinis and throws up all over it.
This San Diego trip was Jen’s last before pleading guilty and reporting to federal prison, and there were so many party fouls and acts of violence. First, Jen, upset about the room assignments in the gorgeous home Angie K. found for them, dumped a glass of champagne on Angie’s fresh blowout as a “joke.” Later, on a boat trip, Jen chucks Angie’s shoes over the side.
Jen Shah’s passport has been seized by the legal system, so this season’s cast trips can’t go far. Arizona it is! The first thing on the itinerary is a backyard visit from a healer, which doesn’t heal anyone so much as it opens wounds between Lisa and Meredith after Lisa’s hot mic disaster last season.
It is a testament to these remarkable women that Mary Cosby falls asleep mid-conversation while Whitney Rose, wearing a Bavarian costume, accuses her of being a bad friend and also of serving as the head of a financially abusive cult, and it’s the least memorable thing that happens on this vacation.