An Annotated Analysis Of Mary Cosby's House Tour

It's been a slow relocation for Mary Martha Cosby from the Bravo back burner to fan royalty, like one of those blessed apartment moves with overlapping leases where you can move a few boxes at a time. Mother Mary is now comfortably settled into the parasocial house of certified fan favorites, bunked up next to her sister, Angie K (while Lisa Barlow waves from the backyard, Bronwyn coming for her over the hedges). But in real life, Mary lives in a mansion, one that many of her castmates once openly questioned if she deserved, before she'd become so beloved, because Mary is a pastor. Well, if Mary has taught RHOSLC viewers anything, it's that she can be wholly defined by nothing, even her holy vocation. As her season 6 tagline says, "I'm just here to eat, drink, and be Mary." Mary Cosby is unfiltered, God fearing, hyper-fashionable, quickly critical, and objectively one of one. All of these elements are tangibly replicated in the (owned, not rented) mini palace Mary shares with Robert Sr. It's at this juncture that re-examining Mary Cosby's 2023 house tour with Bravo feels pertinent.

Mary Cosby's House Tour

When Mary welcomes Bravo into her 20,000 square foot, five-bedroom, seven (or nine) bathroom crib, the first thing you notice isn't the absence of the green carpet that became infamous in her season 2 solo scenes. It's actually that Mary has a penchant for the piano. Or, at least a determination to try ("I don't even know what that was" after stroking a few keys on the classic grand in her living room). Even more interestingly, Bravo chose to film this tour in the middle of a remodel (the Cosbys have lived there for 21 years), so all of her cream leather furniture is "parked" in the foyer. Misplaced or not, the coloring is heavenly chic, though the upkeep all-white decor requires is ungodly (at least for those who like to yell with a glass in hand, one that they may even shatter for dramatic effect, not uncommon in Mary's circle of friends). Just imagine just one of Bronwyn's boxers getting loose in here... 

Mary quickly leads the camera through men at work, refinishing her massive living room where the green carpet once lived, to the kitchen. The cuisinier is Audrey Hepburn blue (with a Warhol-esque print of the actress to match), and the countertops are grey stone — bubbly, but a little serious, just like its owner. The fridge contains blueberries for breakfast, other fruit, and corn on the cob that Mary is validly wary of due to digestive concerns. The real interest pieces of the space, however, are the pre-arranged trays on the counter for each family member, so they can comfortably dine in their rooms, presumably in bed, in front of the TV. "We're still old school," Mary says with a coy smile. 

That remark was only a teaser to yet another iconic Mary delivery of earth-shattering news (lest we forget when Mary described a fatal car accident to Whitney's daughter or how her favorite 2003 vintage of Dom Perignon is made on WWHL). When gazing out at the "beautiful view" from her upstairs window, Mary explained that the view actually shifted five years ago when a bad earthquake permanently slid the abode further into Salt Lake Valley. It was "very scary," Mary shares, eyes wide, but still, not for nothing, "it gave us a good view." 

Past the rococo dining chairs and love seat sat around a glass dining table, Mary finally takes us to the good stuff. Her dressing room, where multiple orange boxes with Louis Vuitton elegantly printed in black are waiting. "Cute," she says of the $730 sunglasses she casually unboxes. They look like they were designed with her in mind. It's at this point that any Bravo lover, fashion killer, or anthropologist worth their salt would beg, plead, or even steal to see what the rest of Mary's wall-to-wall closet (filled with mannequin heads for her fedoras and wigs plus enough clothing to cover a small nation) holds. But tragically, the tour stops there.

It begs the obvious question: when is the next, full and finished house tour of Mary's castle coming? Please, Bravo, I'm asking nicely.