It is a universal truth that Real Housewives cannot act normal on boats, no matter if it’s a glamorous yacht or a humble canoe.
Over the years, there have been too many boat rides “from hell” to even begin to list. Always extra, the Miami ladies are partying on TWO boats. Twin yachts, courtesy of Kiki’s connect at the yacht club.
Upon learning that Marisol didn’t want to bunk with her, Adrianna downs a bottle of champagne and leans over the railing to shout at the other boat about Marisol’s bony knees. Alexia refers to herself as a “rottweiler” and then chews Stephanie out for agreeing. Kiki, looking like a Bond girl, surprises everyone with a Super Soaker. Stephanie stunts on the group by leaving early, ordering a boat to come and take her to her plane so she can jet off to Canada for one night instead.
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Of all the histrionic, wild, life-threatening boat trips a group of Housewives have taken, this one to an island of dead dolls is the most outlandish. Retire boat trips. No one will do it better. The Miami ladies are in Mexico City to watch Adriana perform at gay pride.
It must have been witchcraft that made Adriana think it would be a good idea to compare twisting her ankle to the car crash that gave Alexia’s son a traumatic brain injury. Before the trip, she and Julia visited a Cuban botánica for protective tokens, but maybe she also picked up a cursed object?
Lisa Hochstein holds a vaulted position among Housewives. Many women in this franchise have been cheated on. Truly. So, so many. But not since Camille Grammer, in a show-stopping red gown, accompanied a philandering Frasier from Cheers to the Tony Awards has a Housewife been divorced with such panache.
Larsa is launching Larsa Marie jewelry in a pandemic, so she rents a house in the Hamptons with a big gorgeous deck and invites a small handful of influencers to take pictures of the pieces. But first, a couple nights of partying for the ladies. There is the usual room scuffle, with everyone sharing besides Larsa, because she needs to share the master with her jewelry.
Victoria’s Secret Angel Joanna Krupa is getting married, most likely. The women are stopping on the way to her wedding in San Diego, in a truly opulent suite, rooftop infinity pool and all, to throw her a bachelorette party. Apparently, supermodels are so naturally beautiful that they don’t have to fret about getting proper sleep and hydration the night before their wedding festivities.
Two households, both alike in dignity, one by the bay and one by the sea. The wives are divided into two teams and the scene is set to tear two lovers apart. Alexia Echevarria, and her allies, pretend to wonder whether she should tell celebrity dentist Karent that her long-distance boyfriend, Rodolfo, has another girlfriend.